Fork in the Road
I feel like I’m standing at a fork. To the left is a clear path - a comfortable path. I know what to expect on that path because I’ve taken it before.
To the right is a new path. It’s covered in overgrown brush with thorns and wildflowers and I can’t quite see through it. This path is both exciting and terrifying.
I don’t know what to do.
Recently I had a shift in my life and I am now forced to make a decision. Left or right? Easy or hard? Stable or uncertain?
And after many tears and many more “what the hell am I going to do” moments (I hear mercury is in retrograde, so maybe that’s to blame), I am now here, at this fork.
Do I go back to what’s comfortable and do the thing I’m good at but don’t necessarily love? Or do I move forward into the unknown and keep building the thing I’ve been planning for years (and risk being financially…well.…screwed)?
If my life were a movie, my character would boldly and confidently trench through the brush, getting caught on a few thorns along the way, but ultimately come out as a better version of herself, right?
But my life isn’t a movie. And as appealing as that other path is, I’m scared.
Because what if I can’t make it? What if I fail?
But, also, equally scary, what if I succeed?
What if this is the moment - my movie moment - where after hard work and a few too many mental breakdowns, it all works out?
Here’s what I’ve learned about change - it brings up all our insecurities and self-doubt: Am I good enough? Am I smart enough? Am I brave enough?
Am I enough??
And the reality is, those insecurities remind me of my earlier days of grief, when every day felt unfamiliar and every day there was a new decision - a new fork in the road. Only this fork had one path completely blocked, forcing me to forge ahead into a dark abyss that was so radically different from the path I knew.
Over and over and over, I’d drag myself through this new path, bloody and broken, until eventually, light emerged on the other side. Each time, creating a new reality for myself.
Today, I am not being forced forward. There’s a speed bump blocking the path, sure, but I can go back. In fact, the easy decision is to go back - to stick with what’s familiar.
Because it’s really freaking hard building a business on your own. And it’s even harder building a business on your own slowly, with intention, and with integrity.
But so far, those past risks - those (sometimes reluctant) leaps into the unknown - have led me to a life full of depth, meaning, and purpose.
So here I am again, facing the unfamiliar. And unlike before, this time I have a choice. Go back to what’s comfortable or forge ahead with what’s not.
This time, I’m choosing the unknown.
I don’t know what’s on the other side, but I know that with change, comes growth. And that maybe, just maybe, this will be my big Indie movie moment (cue the spectacular soundtrack).
So if you’re like me and standing in a space of the unknown, just keep going. Follow your curiosity.
Take risks.
Many of us have already survived the worst thing imaginable.
We will survive this too.